by So I flew into Luton on Thursday night. No problems whatsoever with the flight, but I had to wait ages for my tiny suitcase to come off the carousel. (Unlike when I flew with Ryanair in July, I couldn’t just take it on the plane with me without paying extra extra on top of the extra I’d already paid to have the bag in the first place.) And there they were. Mum and Dad. After almost four years. A lovely moment. Then they told me about all the fun and games they’d had getting to and from their accommodation. Mum had been phoning and texting and emailing me to go to this place, no that place, no, stay where you are, not realising that in post-Brexit Britain my phone was only good for playing whatever the 2022 equivalent of Sudoku is. (I guess that would be Wordle, but as that requires the internet, it couldn’t even do that.) We stayed in a nice new eighth-floor apartment in a block called Calibra, after a Vauxhall car that came out when I was ten. (There is or was a Vauxhall plant nearby.) When I lived in New Zealand it always felt great to see my parents again after a period of a few months, so you can imagine how it felt after that long. Late that evening I ate a small pork pie; it had been years since my last one.
I slept well. Mum was keen to make an early start the next morning, but somebody had commandeered the only working lift. When we were finally ready to get away in the hire car (Dad was driving), we noticed something stuck to the windscreen. A parking ticket, with a time stamp of around half-six that morning. A hundred quid, reduced to sixty if you paid early enough. Public services, like for instance the NHS, are buckling under the weight of Brexit and Covid and too many bloody people in the damn country and not enough people running the country who actually care, but they make sure parking wardens are out in force early in the morning. Mum wasn’t a happy camper. They didn’t know not to park there, and it looks like they’ll get out of having to pay. It took at least four hours to reach my brother’s place near Poole. At one point there was torrential rain. The GPS directions were often unclear. For Dad it was hard work. We all agreed that we wouldn’t want to live in the UK again.
It was quite something for my parents to see their other son and daughter-in-law after all this time, and of course, their grandson. Six weeks old. It was hard to prise him away from Mum’s arms. She’s always been in her element with small children – it was her job for forty years after all – and she was in heaven with a child of her own flesh and blood. He got passed around to all of us, and I must say I enjoyed holding him too; it was a new experience for me. Most of the time he just slept, except of course when my brother and sister-in-law would have really liked him to be asleep. I think they will be very good parents to him.
I brought my laptop with me, and liked being able to hole myself up in the study and give online lessons. Outside my teaching, it was hard to do very much there. The TV or the radio was on most of the time, usually both, so even reading a book wasn’t that easy, not when it was in a foreign language. TV is, bizarrely to me, still of huge importance to British society. Game shows and cookery programmes and people actually caring who gets voted off. Bake Off. Strictly. Celebs I’ve never heard of doing shit I don’t care about. It seemed endless. We also got a fair dousing of good old British rain. On Saturday, when I was working, Dad and my brother went to a car boot sale and picked up a second-hand 1000-piece jigsaw of military planes in the sky, which we painstakingly tackled but got nowhere near finishing. We spent didn’t even know if the puzzle was complete. (A few years ago I started to liken my life to a 1000-piece jigsaw puzzle with about 300 pieces missing. Forget even trying to make an approximation of what’s on the lid of the box. It’s time I made something else.) Twice we went to the upmarket nearby town of Wimborne. Mum bought me a checked fleecy jacket from a shop there, saying it was a Christmas present. It was reduced, but still well above my usual budget. The food was great, pretty much universally. One night we ordered curry. Another time we had Stilton sausages. Yummy. On my last night there, we had fish and chips. Apart from the food, one of the highlights was the beautiful autumn colours.
