by One of my very many regular readers recently used the word harrowing to describe some of my posts. Well, by yesterday evening it all felt utterly excruciating. And beyond hope. Things had gone downhill rapidly from Friday.
I’ve got little energy, either mental or physical. Lessons are something I can just about cope with, but only because I’ve done so many of them now and I’ve got lots of old material to call on if need be. But as for scheduling lessons, chasing up people, actively acquiring new students, or keeping track of my non-cash payments – forget it. And everything else is a complete mess, literally and figuratively. Even something as simple as making the bed has become an effort.
Last night, when I felt on the verge of a meltdown, I saw Elena, the old lady who lives above me. I brought Kitty with me and was there for 45 minutes. I asked her if she’d like to go on a trip to Novi Sad (over the border in Serbia) next Sunday; she said she’d think about it. She had made noises in that general direction. I was pretty close going to Vrsac by myself today myself – it’s a bit closer – in an attempt to dust off a few of the copious cobwebs, but decided I was in no fit state. Instead I finished Dorothy’s Jeffrey Archer book First Among Equals. Extremely well written, and it gave me a history lesson and a greater appreciation for the workings of parliament in the UK, but in the end I didn’t care which of the four protagonists would make it to the top. That says more about me than the late author, I suppose. One thing I really did like were the illustrations; more than 40 years after the book was published, that’s quite literally a lost art, sadly.
This afternoon I decided I should at least get out of the flat for a bit. I walked down to the river, and found myself shoulder-charging a tree. I spent some time looking at the small fish from the footbridge. On the way back, staggering along the main road, I kept saying out loud, this is all too much, this is all too much, while pressing the palm of my hand repeatedly against my forehead.
On Friday Mum went to Ashburton with her brother to see their mother’s cousin on her 109th birthday. She’s New Zealand’s third-oldest living person but only the second-oldest in Ashburton; there is a lady three months older in a different home. The oldest living New Zealander is 113.
The midterms will be an interesting watch. I truly hope the Republicans take a beating. I wonder how they will play out – a drip-feed like in 2020 (Maricopa County? Washoe County?) or even 2018, or basically a one-and-done? Then you’ve got to wonder how Trump might react.
Tomorrow I don’t have any lessons in the morning. I’ve got a video call with my uni friend at eleven (it’s his birthday today). Before that I hope to clean out the living room, visit the pet shop and do some lesson admin. I hope I can manage all that.
