Tenc iu veri maci

Thursday was Children’s Day. That’s actually a thing in Romania, and this year the government decided it’s enough of a thing to make it an official public holiday for the first time. Personally I think anything that encourages parents to spend more time with their kids is great, although I was dismayed to learn that the awful phrase timp de calitate quality time exists in Romanian. Religious festivals are also most definitely a thing here, and today is Rusalii which I think translates to Whitsunday or Whitmonday or is it Pentecost? Whatever you call it, it’s another public holiday, so millions of Romanians have bridged the gap between the two for a bumper five-day weekend. Children’s Day was a popular day for my kidless students to have lessons so it was relatively busy for me. In the evening there was a show at the bandstand in the rose garden and a big smoky barbecue outside. I had a scoop of anchovies (hamsii) and some mici.

Mum and Dad should be safely in St Ives now. They had a two-night stopover in Singapore and called me from the airport. They looked worn out. Mum will be 68 next week, Dad turns 67 at the end of the month, and long-distance travel is starting to become both tiring and stressful for them. Mum doesn’t help she gets very wound up if the smallest thing goes ever so slightly wrong, and of course when you’re travelling long distances, things rarely do go exactly according to plan. Oh no, there I go again, slagging off Mum. In fairness to her, she’s been very supportive of my move to Romania ever since I suggested it, and she’s proud of me for having the balls to actually do it. I’m optimistic that I’ll get on perfectly fine with Mum when they come here in five days’ time.

I’ve now had my first two lessons with Cosmin. They were fine, although next time I must make sure we sit alongside each other rather than opposite. He had some print-outs from a Romanian-based website for learning English which were worse than useless, but unfortunately he seemed to treat them as gospel. They were full of spelling errors (“fourty”), phonetic transcriptions that encourage terrible pronunciation (tenc iu veri maci for “thank you very much”), antiquated greetings like “How do you do?”, and words and phrases (“daughter-in-law”; “degree”) that you simply don’t need to know when you’re just starting out. None of this was his fault of course, and it disappoints me how much crap is out there, peddled by people who don’t know any better (or worse, don’t care), that actively hinder the process of learning English for student and teacher alike.

I’d better go. Next time (later today?) I’ll post some photos.

Weird end to the week (part 2)

I can breathe again. And for now, through both nostrils.

My tennis on Saturday was an event that the guy I met at the language school all those months ago got me involved in. It was run by the local branch of the Lions Club. I just wanted to hit a few tennis balls and maybe have a drink afterwards; I had no idea what I was getting myself into with this event and I was extremely nervous. It was in Dumbrăvița, not that far from where I teach that kid, but still far enough for me to be fairly clueless about the location. The language school guy and I caught the same bus, but when we got off, it was apparent that he didn’t know how to get to the courts from the bus stop any more than I did. He called some friends and we got there eventually after walking through paddocks with seemingly unowned dogs yapping away. He lent me a racket that he wanted to sell to me for 180 lei. I assumed he’d be my partner in what was a doubles competition between five teams, but for some reason I had a different partner, someone who was six-three, built like a rugby player, and (as it turned out) rather good at tennis. I hated every minute of it. I was double-faulting all over the place and could hardly keep the ball in play, while my partner walloped unreturnable serves and swatted away volleys. He was really tactile, high-fiving and who knows what else after practically every point, and man I hate that stuff. The combination of banter and competitiveness made me uncomfortable, and my dreadful play wasn’t helping. I really didn’t want to be there. Part of the problem is that unlike in Wellington, you have to be quite wealthy to play tennis here, and being wealthy in Romania seems to require a certain level of aggression which is certainly beyond mine.

The five teams played one-set matches against each other in a round-robin format. My partner was good enough to cover for my terrible play, and the first set was close throughout. Our opponents served for the set at 6-5 and had two set points; on the second of them they hit a ball from my partner on the full that would certainly have cleared the baseline. After that reprieve we reached a tie-break which we won 7-5. My play didn’t improve in the second set, but thanks to my partner we still won it, 6-3. At that point my partner decided to bugger off, and I just hung around, albeit on a beautiful sunny day, while the others played all the remaining matches that didn’t involve him (or me). He was gone for 80 minutes and I found it extraordinary that nobody had a problem with that. When he returned we won our third match 6-3. My language school friend then pointed out that the competition winners each received a racket, and suddenly the result of our fourth and final match mattered. I played a little better in that match which we won 6-0. We had some mici and schnitzel and castraveți and bread and beer, and then they presented the prizes. I found myself in possession of a brand new Babolat Power Drive racket. I hope I’ve got that name right. My partner’s wife was there; she also plays tennis and quite fancied having an identical racket to her husband. She offered to buy the racket off me. We looked online and saw it sold for around US$200. Crikey. I had absolutely no need for a racket that good. We agreed a price of 800 lei. She fished four 200-lei notes out of her car (is it normal here for people to carry that kind of money in their cars?) and handed them to me. Are these genuine? They seemed to be. I then gave my friend 180 lei for his racket. The event cost me 75 lei, so I profited to the tune of a second-hand racket and 545 lei. It was like I’d won Lotto. I plan to buy a bike with my unexpected windfall. Regardless of that outcome it was quite a nice day really and hope that if I’m still here for next year’s event I’ll be a lot more relaxed.

I’ve been putting flyers in people’s letterboxes all over the city. About a thousand so far. It’s quite a tiring job, but it looks like I do have one more student.

Yesterday would have been my grandmother’s (Dad’s mum’s) 95th birthday.

Weird end to the week (part 1)

It’s been a weird end to the week. On Thursday morning my Skype student cancelled 15 minutes before our lesson because she was about to go swimming “with the girls”, as she put it. I texted her to say that she should pay me for the lesson regardless, and she replied with a long rant, basically saying that I was a terrible teacher and she wanted nothing more to do with me. I then asked her how I could improve, saying that I’m still learning myself, but she said, “You’re the teacher! How can I show you how to teach!” Doamne. I hope I get the 200 euros she owes me, but other than that, I certainly want nothing more to do with her. I’d felt I’d done my best with her, so that exchange left a bitter taste in my mouth.

Yesterday Dad called me. Mum had gone to a funeral in Mosgiel; one of her many cousins had died from a slow-growing brain tumour at the age of 60. Apparently she held me as a toddler when we came to New Zealand the first time in 1982. This gave me a rare opportunity for me to ask Dad about life with Mum. Not much had changed. Dad said that one of these days, heaven forbid, Mum could find she has a tumour, and whatever Maureen from the golf club says or does would become irrelevant very quickly. As for me, I’d say my relationship with Mum has improved as a result of being 11,000 miles away. They’ll be here in just two weeks and I’m looking forward to that.

I played tennis today for the first time since December and I want to write about that but I’m going have to end this for now because my sinuses are killing me.

This might work out

Last week was a good one. I had 14½ hours of teaching, I had an interview (that wasn’t supposed to be an interview) at a language school, and it looks like I have a new student. Maybe this crazy Romania thing might work out after all. In a sense it already has worked out of course. I’m living in a city that I love, doing a job that I love, doing my thing, without all that mind-numbing nothingness that I experienced day in, day out, for years. I’ve totally revolutionised my life, and how bloody cool is that?! But for my own sense of self-worth and, let’s face it, bank balance, I needed more work (and still do).

For the first time in eight months I ironed a shirt, and at 2pm on Friday I turned up at the language school just over the river, supposedly for an informal chat with two relatively young women. “This won’t be an interview.” Great. I was pretty relaxed. The woman on the right dragged out a copy of my CV which had some words like “actuarial” underlined in pencil. Presumably she’d Googled them. She described my decision to teach English after all those years in technical roles as “odd”. I did my best to emphasise that I really, really want to do this job, even if my CV might suggest otherwise. That felt a little weird. I thought of all those damn interviews in the past where was I totally unenthused, or worse. She then asked me to describe a time when I’d had to cope with a difficult situation in my teaching. I then said, “But you told me this wasn’t an interview!” The woman on the left, who teaches both English and French, went a little bit easier on me. The, er, informal chat lasted 50 minutes. They said they’ll contact me in the next week or two and I’m hopeful they’ll have something for me. Perhaps I’ll be able to help out in the intensive courses they run over the summer. Dealing with a class of students instead of the one-on-one teaching I’ve done so far will certainly be a challenge for me, but it’s one I’m up for.

On Saturday night I met Cosmin, my new student (hopefully that’s what he is) at a bar in the square here. He’s about the same age as me, but is married and has a boy of eleven. He lives in Dumbrăvița, where I currently teach the nine-year-old boy twice a week. Cosmin is pretty cosmic; he’s tall, sports a beard and has tattoos down the length of both arms, and on Saturday he wore several bracelets and a T-shirt just like the ones you’d get in Cosmic in Cuba Mall. For a living he puts up shades and marquees, and he wants to move with his family to Australia in November. I asked him to rate his level of English on a zero-to-ten scale; he told me zero. He started school under Communism and learnt French, not English. I’ll have one hell of a job getting him up to speed in just a few months, but I’ll try. We must have chatted for over an hour, my longest conversation in Romanian yet. Wow, I’m sitting outside here on a beautiful evening in a beautiful city, drinking the local beer and speaking a totally awesome language that hardly anybody else learns. Dammit, this is cool! Cosmin’s wife and friends later arrived, and he bought me four beers in all. If things go according to plan, we’ll start a week on Saturday. It should be good for my Romanian as well as his English.

Last week I had three lessons with my Skype student, but only one of those was an English lesson. She wanted some help with statistics, which is a requirement of her psychology course. The stats wasn’t too hard, but it was all in German so I was frantically Googling terms that, being German, ran to twenty letters or more. I was glad that I was able to help her.

No more timewasters, please

My Skype student has pulled out of her lesson at the last minute again. She’s rapidly becoming a waste of time. Yesterday I put up three posters yes, just three and last night I got call from a guy called Cosmin wanting help with IELTS preparation starting this Saturday, but I’ll believe him when I see him. I’m pretty sure Cosmin comes from the same root as cosmic and cosmos, so it’s a pretty cool Romanian name. I’ve yet to have a student called Bogdan, which is one of my favourite Romanian names (and a very common one). So far the names of my students have run the alphabetic gamut from Adelina (who only had two lessons with me) to Zoltan (a Hungarian name; he was my very first student and after 20 lessons he’s still going strong). I need to put up more posters and run the risk of a fine. There appears to be no other way that works. I just want to teach; this promotional stuff isn’t much fun at all. It does make a nice change though that part of my job, the main part of my job, is something I really enjoy.

According to my property manager, somebody might be interested in buying my flat in Wellington. It would obviously depend on how much I could get. In one way I’d love to get rid of it psychologically it’s been an enormous burden but it does give me a good rental income that I’m relying heavily on, even if 30% of that money is eaten up by rates and body corp fees. And I quite like having a toehold in Wellington. I talked to my brother about this last night. In my shoes he’d probably flick it off at the first opportunity.

Simona Halep retained her Madrid title in a fantastic three-set final. The stamina she showed in the latter stages of the match was impressive, and it augurs well for the French Open which starts in a little under two weeks. I didn’t bother with Eurovision after that. Romania finished seventh, respectable enough without all the faff and expense of having to host it next year.

The weather improved yesterday and there were multiple long, snaking queues to buy ice cream. Men, old men mostly, were playing four different games in Central Park: chess, cards (with a deck that includes cups and coins), backgammon, and some game that looks like Mahjong but with colours and numbers (Google tells me it’s Rummikub; I’ve never played that). Last Thursday I brought a pack of standard cards to my lesson with the nine-year-old and I tried to play a polite version of Go Fish with him (“no, I’m ever so sorry I haven’t got a nine; unfortunately you’ll have to go fish”) but that didn’t seem to work. I might try Last Card with him tomorrow.

A soggy time

Eurovision will be starting in an hour. It’ll be the first time I’ve watched it with non-English commentary. I don’t expect I’ll see it through to end (a shame because the end, where they do the voting, is the most interesting bit). The last time I saw it my grandmother was still alive and I wrote about it on my previous blog. Gosh, that brings back memories. I miss her.

I’m currently watching Simona Halep in the final of the Madrid Open.

This is the third wet weekend of wet weather and wet weddings in Timișoara. Yes, in Romania getting married is still something people do. Now that the season is upon us, I see and hear about half a dozen convoys every Saturday. Last night we also had a fairly major thunderstorm.

It hasn’t been a disastrous week by any means, with 12½ hours of lessons, but that number still needs to rise. My Skype student isn’t the big provider of work that she used to be. The Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? games with my nine-year-old student seem to be a hit. I’ve had some useful advice from my students on where to go when my parents arrive here only four weeks from now.

Emmanuel Macron won the French election by a near two-to-one margin; it was even more decisive than I expected. Hopefully that will bring some stability to Europe, at least temporarily. Theresa May has been a disappointment to me all you get from her are substance-free words. Very little action. But she’ll probably win a stonking great majority in next month’s election because she has no competent opposition outside Scotland. And as for Donald Trump, it’s all massively entertaining, if only it wasn’t so real. And dangerous.

Loose connections

Last weekend we had a flower festival that brought people out in their droves, even if the weather was kind of meh or however they say that in Romanian. The Philharmonic Orchestra played on a stage in Piața Operei (the other end of the square where I live) and they were bloody good. Since the long weekend the weather has gone from meh to persistently wet.

Some good news: my Skype student is back, after I’d almost given up on her. My faith in humanity has been partially restored. The bad news is that she’s as unreliable as ever. I didn’t have any lessons as such with her last week, but on Tuesday I spent two hours reading a pair of old academic texts on sociology that she sent me at short notice, and another two hours going over them with her on Skype. I worked 7½ hours that day out of a total of just 11 for the week including a lesson I’ve got later this morning (I feel safe to count that; I trust him). I still need more work. I’m extremely bad at making connections, promoting, marketing, all of that stuff. Online seems a waste of time. I have a website and a blog now (yes another blog) that I regularly update, but I’m buggered if I know how you’re supposed to get people to see it. I’ve even created a Twitter page which now has, wait for it, twelve followers, but I find it really hard to be arsed with social media. Communicating with dozens of people all at once doesn’t appeal in the slightest, and as for Facebook, I find that as creepy as all hell and have to force myself to check my account every other day or so. My friend who I saw in London last month has over 500 Facebook friends and nearly 1000 Twitter followers (how?) so he clearly doesn’t have any of the problems I do.

I still also need to meet more people. It’s tough. The problems I faced elsewhere in the world haven’t magically gone away here. To make and keep friends there’s obviously something that you’re supposed to provide socially that goes beyond a cup of tea, an inoffensive chat and maybe the odd joke, but in 37 years I still haven’t figured that out and I probably never will. The guy I played tennis with in December, who called me on a regular basis back then, now wants nothing to do with me or so it seems.

Next week I must get out a lot more, as I said I would last week but the public holiday and busy Tuesday and crappy weather and general lack of motivation on my part intervened. Teaching is great and I bloody love Timișoara, but my experiences here could still be so much fuller and richer and better.

Here are some pics from the long weekend. Hope you like them!

Flashing orange men

Just like in New Zealand and the UK, pedestrian crossings have a red and a green man. There must be penalties for jaywalking here, because people are remarkably obedient when it comes to the red man considering how unbothered they usually are by authority. Anyway, red man, green man, easy (once I’ve got out of the habit of looking the wrong way). But this week I saw a flashing orange man. What do I do here? I was stumped. All that Romanian I’d painstakingly learnt, and none of it was helping me translate flashing orange man.

And I’m running into flashing orange men everywhere I go. On Monday I went to the library. A bit of background: Romania consists of forty-odd județe, which are like counties. This library is the central library of the Timiș județ, so it’s a bit like Wellington Central Library in NZ, or Cambridge Central Library in the UK, or any number of pretty big libraries. Or so I thought. The library is conveniently situated in Piața Libertății, one of the main squares in the centre of town where people hang out and relax. I always thought it was weird how I rarely saw anyone go in or out of the library entrance, but maybe there was some tradesman’s entrance that I didn’t know about. So I popped in. There was a guard at a desk. “Um, library? Er, this way?” Yes, he assured me. I went upstairs and downstairs, four fairly decrepit floors in all, and the only thing I found was a reading room with a solitary woman, well, reading. And that was it. Bemused, I walked back to where the guard was. “Er, so where are the books?” He pointed. Ah. In a small room to the left, on the same floor. I walked in, or tried to, but was stopped by another man, this time at a window. “Spuneți, vă rog.” Speak, please. But what was I supposed to say? He then said, “English?” No, not this again. This isn’t a language barrier, this is a flashing orange man barrier. I said in English, “I just want to look at some books,” but then gave up and walked out. I’d expected to see a whole shelf devoted to Mihai Eminescu, a kids’ section with beanbags and “storytime”, a selection of DVDs, a bank of computers, maybe even a coffee machine, but it felt like I’d been transported back a hundred years. I could see why hardly anybody ever went in.

Talking of tradesman’s entrance… I was starting to get a bit frustrated with my lack of work, when on Thursday morning I got a call from someone supposedly wanting a lesson. I was pleased to hold the conversation together in Romanian, and delighted when he wanted to come at 2pm that same day. He then switched to English, and asked me how old I was. Then he asked if I had a boyfriend and whether he could get to know me better. Alarm bells were ringing. He didn’t turn up at 2pm and I was reasonably grateful for that. He does however still have my address.

Yes, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a bit frustrated at the moment. The worst thing is that my Skype student, who provided about half my business, seems to have dropped off the face of the earth. She still owes me 80 euros, not a lot in the grand scheme of things I suppose but it’s still more than a week’s rent. At this point I’d say it’s less than 50:50 that I’ll ever hear from her again. I did 8½ hours last week; that isn’t nothing but it’s a third of what I’d like. Marketing myself is proving damn near impossible in the absence of lamp-post ads (I saw today that one of the Donald Trump ones I put up outside Piața 700 in November is still there). Adverts in shops just aren’t a thing here, with the exception of the notice board in Kaufland, a large supermarket. I’ll knock on the doors of six or seven language schools next week, armed with business cards and my CV full of unrelated jobs. I’ll also pop into the offices of some publications here. Some of them have English content geared towards expats (or, more accurately, immigrants) like me, but it isn’t English as I know it. Perhaps they’d appreciate a hand (or perhaps not). The biggest thing I can do is get out much more in the daytime like I used to, because heck, it’s a cool city to wander around in, and the money I’m saving by always having my lunch at home is surely outweighed by the health (and who knows, financial) benefits of being outside and in contact with people.

Hell’s bells

Today I watched the second day of Romania’s controversial Fed Cup encounter with Britain that was played on clay (a surface that favoured Romania) in Constanța. It was controversial because of Ilie Năstase’s stupid remarks that saw him expelled from the competition. The first day’s two singles matches had been split, so whoever won two of today’s three matches would win. Simona Halep easily beat Johanna Konta (whose service action is nearly as weird as mine) but then came a much more competitive match between Irina Begu and Heather Watson. Begu won 6-4 7-5 after an enthralling second set that must have taken 70 minutes. The doubles therefore didn’t matter, and because it didn’t matter it was decided on a super tie-break with the British pair winning. Romania’s overall win was the result I wanted, even though they were playing the country of my birth. Weird, isn’t it?

I’m looking forward to this week. I’ll be teaching the boy again. Friday’s back-to-back lessons reminded me of how much I enjoy my new job. After this I couldn’t possibly go back to jobs where I was so unstimulated and unmotivated that I’d end up pissing about on the internet and then feel terrible about that. I just need more of this. On Wednesday I had a lesson with the cycling enthusiast we study a song every second lesson (well, study is going a bit far) and this time I chose Penny Lane, the second Beatles song I’ve chosen so far. Quite reasonably he wondered whether Penny Lane was a street, a person or perhaps a shop. I explained to him what a mac was, then I had to explain what a poppy was. Poppy just happens to be mac in Romanian. That was funny. As for “a four of fish and finger pies”, I couldn’t really help him. He astutely guessed that “a four of fish” and “finger pies” were two separate items.

If I can get enough work, and it’s a big if, I have no reason to leave Timișoara. (If I can’t, I guess I’ll eventually have no choice.) I’ve got used to the 396 daily strikes of the cathedral bells, the pigeons sitting (and shitting) on my window sills, the whiff of hot bread from the bakery down below, and the old men playing chess and cards (those cards with wheels and cups and things, not the ones I’m used to) in Central Park. Just in case you’re wondering why it’s 396, you get one dong at quarter past, two at half-past, three at quarter to, and four on the hour. Every hour, day and night. So that’s ten dongs an hour or 240 per day. Then on the hour you get one additional dong per hour (from a different bell to the one that strikes every 15 minutes), e.g. eight dongs at 8 o’clock. All the numbers from 1 to 12 add up to 78, and we need to double that for AM and PM, so that gets us to 156 additional hourly dongs. Add that to 240 and we have 396. But that’s not all! There are several services every day, each marked by a vigorous peal of bells. The first of these is at 7am.

In about an hour and a half we’ll get preliminary results from the first round of the very intriguing French election.

A short break with some tall people

My brother called me yesterday morning to wish me a happy birthday. He said he got a Facebook message saying that it was Hitler’s birthday which reminded him that it was mine too. I’m not that keen on this whole birthday thing anymore. That’s half the reason I came to Romania; I could feel the years gradually slipping away.

Flying out of Timișoara is almost as easy as flying from Timaru. My flight landed at Stansted on the dot of six but I didn’t get to St Ives until after nine; I just happened to miss both the train and the bus by a couple of minutes. By that stage I was ravenous and grabbed a curry. My brother (6 foot 3) and his girlfriend (6 foot 1) arrived the following evening. She’s lovely, perhaps too good for my brother if anything. The next morning he went into town to get a haircut, while she and I had a chat. Without my prompting she brought up Brexit, saying how upset she was with the result, unlike my brother. She works as a podiatrist and gets a huge amount of satisfaction from her job but is frustrated by cuts to the NHS and feels it’s only a matter of time before the whole thing is privatised.

On Thursday I spent some time in Cambridge and picked up about a dozen language-related books from charity shops. My favourite is The Cambridge Encyclopedia of Language by David Crystal, an impressive tome that hasn’t lost its relevance despite being thirty years old. The next day, Good Friday, I caught up with my university friend and his French girlfriend in Camden in London. Camden Market is really a series of massive alternative markets that would be right up my street if they weren’t quite so packed with people. In the past I used to go there for a short time if I just wanted a quick visual hit. I’d like to go back there but will try and avoid doing so on a bank holiday again. I took the train back to Cambridge at about four; any later I’d have needed to get a taxi home from either Cambridge or Huntingdon, and I don’t feel I can afford that kind of expense at the moment. (My brother and his girlfriend like to eat out in situations where I wouldn’t dream of it, and the cost of that did add up for me.)

Most of the time I just spent in St Ives with my brother and his girlfriend. Sometimes I’d go for a walk to get out of their hair. I realised how unused I am to spending whole days with other people, even people I get on with. My brother is very happy and, outwardly at least, has bucketloads of self-confidence. I’m hardly immune to swearing but he swears a lot, and makes a lot of black-and-white sweeping statements that could make him seem a bit of a dick to someone who didn’t know him better. (I’m guessing he tones his brashness down among people he doesn’t know.) He’s has quite conversative views on a lot of subjects, most notably drugs. So we’re very different people. Maybe being so different, and inhabiting two very different worlds since we both left home in 1998, has helped us to get on well. I look at my cousin in Wellington and her three younger sisters; the four of them have gone down similar paths: they’ve all got degrees from Canterbury, they all got married between the ages of 27 and 30, they’ve all had successful careers, two of them in finance, two of them in law. And they see plenty of each other. But after decades of competition in just about every aspect of their lives, they’re not exactly the best of friends now. It also helps that my brother’s and my sense of humour overlap quite a bit.

Talking about living in a different world, we turned up at my aunt’s house in Earith on Saturday morning. It was half-ten. She was half-cut. I don’t know how much she’d already had to drink but she was only semi-coherent. She gradually sobered up, then gave us all a glass of quite expensive Marlborough riesling. It’s puzzling why she spends twelve quid on a bottle of wine when she only drinks it for the alcohol content. Her garden looked lovely as it always has done. She then showed us her new sporty black Audi A7 with a three-litre engine that she only uses to go up and down the road in. She said, “Why can’t I have fun?” but to my mind that car is an obscene waste of money. I get on fine with my aunt; she isn’t a bad person (not now she isn’t, anyway in her mother’s final years she was positively evil) but she’s never had any purpose in life and never listens to anyone but herself on any subject that even vaguely matters. My aunt married into the RAF at a young age, and since then everything she’s done in her life has purely been play. She conveniently shipped her kids (work!) off to boarding school when they were eight. She’s got no concept of actually having to earn money to make ends meet and mocks people who have “boring” jobs that pay the bills. Even now she gets her husband’s healthy pension. He sadly died of lung cancer in 2002; he never smoked but she smoked like a chimney until e-cigarettes came along. This total lack of purpose has contributed to her drink problems, which were in full swing even when my uncle was still alive, and other mental health problems including multiple suicide attempts. In October she’ll turn 70. She said that when she lived in Italy she gave a few English lessons and described them as “money for old rope”. (I don’t think it was just money either. I think she got the odd shag chucked in.) She probably thought my attempt to make a living from lessons was ridiculous. When we got back to St Ives we tried to guess how much her Audi cost and were open-mouthed when we saw prices ranging from £48,000 to £62,000. I’d guessed something in the low forties, which would have still been vastly more than my aunt has earned in her entire life.

Stansted is a bit of a nightmare these days; it’s expanded so much from how I remember it. I got back here at 11:30 on Sunday night and that felt pretty good. This is the closest place I have to home.

Wow, a snap election. I didn’t see that coming. They don’t quite do snap elections in the UK like they used to in New Zealand.